What do I look for?
Jun. 10th, 2024 09:18 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
plslblyHello readers. high school just finished up. I'm taking this as a step to start putting together the discordant pieces of my 'being' over this summer before college starts. Looking back on this past year and a half and seeing how I'd say or do random things that all somehow come back to this macrocosm that is 'me' is interesting. Many times I feel like a zombie when I do things but regardless of my situation, it seems like everything flows, like rivers and streams, into this lake that is the macrocosm. This aside, I'd like to start up my blog by addressing a state of mind I've gone into recently. It feels a little inexpressible to me, but I'll do my best to put this idea together:
I've been having dreams recently, where I talk to people or interact with people's work that I've known in the past, and when I wake up I have a blend of emotions, ranging from yearning to have that thing be reality, to a sense of wellness and security that contrasts any emptiness I felt before. This has been occurring with visions of a former friend of mine, and a certain figure in a community I used to be in on the internet. I always felt like their advice drove me to go and live out the (positive) passions I have in life. It's weird - this stuff cures my brain fog and makes me able to wake up and go ride my bike, or dedicate a few hours to any of my number of hobbies.
It's part of this thing where, a couple times every year or so, I encounter this person in real life or on the internet that somehow pierces my soul, whether they know it or not. Somehow, I strongly relate to the way that they think, or act, or the art they produce, or what they have to say. For some reason, I naturally gravitate towards those things. Those people embody what I think 'goodness' and 'beauty' are in practice.
It feels very much like the phrase 'spiritus mundi', that is, some people-like forces that somehow elevate my drive and focus on something. It really makes me wish I was a better (more creative?) artist, so that I could know how to capture these ideas and execute them. It's also a product of my isolation and reclusiveness. My mind creates constructs of people that gives them a halo effect, where their good qualities are exaggerated. But my mind is pick and choose with a lot of these people - I'll meet and encounter a lot of people but some esoteric factor draws me towards certain ones and makes me want to get to their status of goodness and beauty. I'm a little nuts about it, but I think this embodies the way that I live.
Here's a song to go with this - Synchronicity I by The Police. The lyrics in this song perfectly align to what my idea of 'synchronicity' is, which is tangentially related to what I covered here. I'll dive deeper into it at a later time. Sorry about the youtube embed - there's nowhere else I can get an embed of copyrighted songs.
I've been having dreams recently, where I talk to people or interact with people's work that I've known in the past, and when I wake up I have a blend of emotions, ranging from yearning to have that thing be reality, to a sense of wellness and security that contrasts any emptiness I felt before. This has been occurring with visions of a former friend of mine, and a certain figure in a community I used to be in on the internet. I always felt like their advice drove me to go and live out the (positive) passions I have in life. It's weird - this stuff cures my brain fog and makes me able to wake up and go ride my bike, or dedicate a few hours to any of my number of hobbies.
It's part of this thing where, a couple times every year or so, I encounter this person in real life or on the internet that somehow pierces my soul, whether they know it or not. Somehow, I strongly relate to the way that they think, or act, or the art they produce, or what they have to say. For some reason, I naturally gravitate towards those things. Those people embody what I think 'goodness' and 'beauty' are in practice.
It feels very much like the phrase 'spiritus mundi', that is, some people-like forces that somehow elevate my drive and focus on something. It really makes me wish I was a better (more creative?) artist, so that I could know how to capture these ideas and execute them. It's also a product of my isolation and reclusiveness. My mind creates constructs of people that gives them a halo effect, where their good qualities are exaggerated. But my mind is pick and choose with a lot of these people - I'll meet and encounter a lot of people but some esoteric factor draws me towards certain ones and makes me want to get to their status of goodness and beauty. I'm a little nuts about it, but I think this embodies the way that I live.
Here's a song to go with this - Synchronicity I by The Police. The lyrics in this song perfectly align to what my idea of 'synchronicity' is, which is tangentially related to what I covered here. I'll dive deeper into it at a later time. Sorry about the youtube embed - there's nowhere else I can get an embed of copyrighted songs.
